zEN

Why….

why la…..

why laaa !

why lah !

Who can answer me?

We don’t want to hurt each others,
that’s what we did,
does it really works?

I remembered something,

something i planned to do,

but i didn’t do it in the end,

someone did it for me,

exactly the same i planned,

thanks, bless you.

Dammit,  i should have thrown this cd,

now it came back to me,

damn!

Realized that i’m a noob too.

Truthfully, i don’t like to let you read my emo posts,

most of them are because of you.

Truthfully, i know you’re reading my blog everyday,

i do the same to you, even more than you.

Truthfully, i bet you haven’t read the email i sent you,

i have been waiting for your respond/reply,

but you better don’t.

Truthfully, i still missing you and stalking you everyday,

i tried to control it well and it’s better than the days before.

Truthfully, i still don’t know what’s your feeling on me,

because i never ask.

Truthfully, you don’t have to care about my emo posts,

even they exist because of you,

but their existences are just my way to express my feelings,

i never ever read them back or remember them,

because i don’t want to, and so,

they took away my emo, made me feel better.

Truthfully, i thought of going there to find you,

and i did it in my dream,

unfortunately i failed my last step.

Truthfully, i want to get myself drunk alone,

sitting on somewhere that i can see the starry night clearly,

so that i can temporary forget you.

Truthfully, i wanted to stop going your blog,

but i’m addicted.

Truthfully, i wanted to block you from reading my blog,

so that i don’t have to worry that you read my emo posts,

rather than putting a password to it,

showing how emo i am.

Truthfully, i wanted to delete all your sms in my phone,

but i think i can’t, at this moment.

Truthfully, i really want to be with you forever,

but we can’t, you’re not suppose to suffer with me like that,

i was once thought selfishly, deeply sorry,

you’re suppose to be with a nicer guy that has wider a shoulder,

and always be there whenever you want.

What a dream, it was so real and showing how failure i am.

I remembered i took many routes, some stupid turns to reach there,

unfortunately i went back with disappointment,

maybe there’s a turning back, but i woke myself up manually,

quite true.

I think i can dream the future just like what Angela Petrelli did in heroes, somehow i’m not that extraordinary. I’m not the only one who experiences that. Most of the time, i can’t remember my dreams anymore but they will just flash through my mind whenever they exist in my real life.